not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
