everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's the barista slut.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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