how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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