okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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