my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
