She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
