Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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