mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
