I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
