There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
