No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
