I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's always time for handjobs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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