How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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