I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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