Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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