I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
