im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
