this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
