Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
