i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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