I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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