I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
COCAINE IS GR8
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
