I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
