I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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