I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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