While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize