I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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