I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
