You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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