I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize