I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
