I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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