he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
