1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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