maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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