he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
