Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
