they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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