i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
