Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
