ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
