Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
