Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
