Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize