I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
