Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
