Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
