Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
