I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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