he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
