In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
