3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
