wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
