Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
