Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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