btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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