dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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