K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
a search helicopter?!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
