You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
