he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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