Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize