Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize