well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
