Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
