we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
