Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm at about main and main street
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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