Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
