i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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