She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
