If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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